My Rant Against Happiness.

Everywhere you look there is a push for happiness. "Being happy is the most important thing". "Do what you want, as long as it makes you happy" or further, "Do whatever it takes to be happy". Sometimes there’s a caveat of “…as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone…”. 

I’ve seen celebrities, brands, and sadly, even churches talking about how important happiness is. And it makes me sad.

I'm sad because what then is the take-away for this generation, really? The idea of personal happiness has become something to be achieved and honored above all things. We are taking a “selfie” generation for whom self is already celebrated to a concerning degree and further pushing them into becoming a completely “self-centred” generation.

Here’s my concern. In this new philosophy, your happiness is yours alone. It’s all about you. It doesn’t take others into consideration. Perhaps if you are a mature and emotionally healthy adult, you might well know that life does indeed mean considering those around you…or that sometimes it just isn’t all about ‘you’. (Take a vacation with children, and you quickly learn that lesson!) But that isn’t the new messaging. What we are telling this generation is that their own personal happiness trumps everything else. It trumps those around them, it trumps society, it even trumps the bible. It is entirely about you, and how you feel. And to make things worse...the focus is about external changes. (job, career, family, living situations, plastic surgery etc...)

I know people who have left their jobs because they weren’t happy. And then they left the next job, and the next, and the next. I have friends who have left marriages (and their entire families) because they simply weren’t ‘happy’ anymore. And in this new shift to achieve happiness, they have left not only their spouse, but their sweet children in the dust. (With the message that they simply weren’t enough to make Mommy/Daddy happy.)

If technology hasn’t done enough to make us insular and non-relational, this new philosophy of “only my happiness matters” is only exasperating this further.

Am I suggesting you shouldn’t desire happiness?

Well, to be honest, I’m not sure what I think about the concept of happiness at all.

But what I do feel is that perhaps our focus instead should be thankfulness, contentment and joy. Because let me tell you, if you think that you can find happiness by changing your external situation, you are quite likely to never find the peace you are searching for. However, if instead we make our focus thankfulness, and true joy in our circumstance (no matter what it is)… I think then we will truly find ourselves content.

I’ve purposely left God out of the above. Not because I don’t think that He is the root of real joy and/or happiness, or that I don’t believe that putting Him first, above self, is the only route to peace…but because even if you’re reading this and have no belief in God, I want this to make us all pause and question.

What direction are we purposely aiming our compass at (just because that is the messaging we are hearing) and how healthy actually is it?

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End of rant.

Heaven in December

We had some snow beginning of December, but weirdly, it all melted! And now, with just a couple days until the new year… There's no snow to be found. Heavenly!

Apparently I'm not allowed to send this out as our family Christmas Card. haha. So up on the blog it goes. :)

Flying Maltese

For your entertainment:

Crazy Dog Lady

As I'm walking with the doggies over to get the mail, I see a car stop along side me.

The driver yells "Hey! Can I see your puppies?"

Delighted, I walk over and tell the story (Blah blah, Cookie, Moo, brothers, maltese, 2 years, 5 months, blah blah) *is this, for real, my life now?*

Stop right there: Right off, you can tell what's gonna come next by their reaction to the few talking points I just mentioned. How can I tell? Because they CARE. Lord knows why, but they do. They are facinated, and cooing like I've just showed them my Gerber-Baby-faced freshly birthed infant. And then I know what's coming next. And it does. The lady starts gushing about her little dog (Mittens) that she has at home. I smile and listen. (You take turns caring, you see.)

Then she tells me about the 'group' of small dog owners who meet at the dogpark down the street. Every day. Like...EVERY day. At 2:30pm. In the middle of the day.

"You should come!" she exclaims.

Is it wrong that I am both intrigued and slightly horrified at the thought? Intrigued because my doggies love other dogs, and horrified because 9 years ago I was taking my two toddlers (the human variety) to the park for a similar reason. And now I'm that crazy lady with not one, but two dogs, who talks to (seemingly unemployed) strangers about what? Their dogs! (and where we can secretly meet to be crazy dog-people together.)

I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into a crazy-dog-lady-hole...and I can't stop.

Facebook Fasting

This week I'm fasting from Facebook. To keep it simple, I simply deactivated my account. That way, no messages get sent to my phone...no emails etc. And I don't feel like I'm missing any messages (because they can't be sent) I just simply disappear from Facebook for 7 days. (When you sign in again, they reactivate your account, and everything is back like it was)

I often think that if I don't update my status, people will begin to wonder what's wrong with me. lol. But I've been 'gone' for 4 days, and only 2 people actually noticed. lol. I don't say that to say "poor me", in fact...the opposite. Life doesn't fall apart when you just step away and take a break. Quite often I feel the stress of that. "I can't NOT work today....I'll let people down!" Guess what? Its okay! You can take a break...and the world WILL keep spinning. And you won't implode. Nice to know. As a natural people-pleaser, it takes the pressure off.

I didn't think I spent a lot of time on Facebook, but since going off of it, I've decluttered my entire main floor. Its something that's been building up for a couple years. Books, papers, craft supplies, kid art, school letters...all kinda getting pushed into corners. Well, after some organization...the piles are gone. It looks pretty. It feels good. Perhaps the physical speaks of the spiritual. Decluttering is good. Sometimes you just need space from the things that are evoking a feeling of chaos. I'm pulling away from the things that are not bringing life, and pressing into the One who is.

And like I tell my kids...He's a good Father. Trustworthy and safe. So letting Him declutter my life is the way to go.

Here's to saying "so-long" to random piles!

Calling out the Treasure

I know, it's been a long time. But I think life is so busy (and Facebook so awesome) that blogging takes a back seat! But today I just had some thoughts to share.

Aila has had some trouble in school. In June, a troubled child threatened to 'slit Aila's throat', and when the school did nothing, we stepped in. This incident has precipitated a lot of changes and struggles. First, we removed Aila from the school because the school refused to remove the child. Aila was just supposed to go back the next day like nothing was wrong. What?! The troubled child was given sessions with a counsellor, other support was sent to "assist her" in how to deal better with her rage issues. But Aila was sent home crying, and nothing more was done. Zero support offered. This was the tipping point for a kid who was generally anxious. But this pushed things to a new level. The following days and weeks can only be described as 'hell', as we watched our girl have what we now can describe as a 'breakdown'. And we were devastated. We not only removed her from school for the remainder of the year, but ended up moving schools completely. (After a fight with the school board, and various notes from doctors supporting our request) The summer was long and full of angst, as Aila had a new anxiety/fear level that we had never seen before. She spent weeks seeing a life-saving therapist. My little girl was struggling so fiercely...and it was so hard to watch.

September came, and she entered a new school. However, anxiety doesn't leave when your surroundings change. So she still struggles with severe anxiety. One of the largest issues is how she responds to other kids. Because of the traumatic incident in the other school, she now is very mistrustful. Her first assumption is to feel unsafe. Instead of assuming she is loved and accepted, she assumes the opposite. What I love about Aila is that despite being hurt, she remains a soft-hearted kid. It's a lovely trait, but it leaves her open to wounding until she matures to find a balance that is healthy.

When there is conflict, or a child isn't kind....she doesn't cope well. What do you do when a kid is mean? When a kid tells her that her wolf shirt is 'dumb', or she is 'annoying'. How can she respond? (besides crying)

"Aila....call out the treasure in them!" I said.

 There is a truth that defuses the hardest heart. Hard hearts are hard for a reason: They have been wounded. A lot.

"Aila...you can help bring healing to a hard heart like this: Look deep into that person. It might be hard to find, but there is a treasure. There is something that is beautiful. Something that is special. They might have lovely blue eyes. They might be good at something. There is beauty in them even if they can't see it. That is their treasure. In some instances, the treasure might have been buried and replaced with a lie. They may believe they are ugly, but the truth...the treasure is that they are beautiful. God has made them special...and that is the truth. We have the ability to call that out! And it looks like this: You look into that person...you find that thing...you reach in....you pull it out....and you hold it in your hands and you show it to them. You show them that you SEE the treasure...and that you see it as special. And you do all that with a simple phrase in response to their negative comments. "Aila, your shirt is so dumb." *wait a few minutes and then return to them* "You are a really great artist. I love how you draw".  Don't give a glib compliment, but find a truth and speak it over them. That's how you call out the treasure. And it will defuse them. Love always wins."

Just talking with her about it reminded me of so many instances in my own life where someone called out the treasure in me. Or when I have searched deep and wide for the treasure in others. It reminded me to daily be calling out the treasure in my kids...in my husband. The power of speaking truth over people...its an amazing tool.

Try it! Love wins.... :)