Something Old, Something New

I have always considered myself someone who loves adventure, and loves being social. However, I'm discovering that I only like those things in very controlled dosages!!!

I do like meeting new people. Sometimes. However, I RARELY spend myself on a relational situation that I don't see going anywhere. It's like dating to find a husband! If you want a husband, why date a guy who doesn't want to get married?

If I meet someone and I feel like we connect quickly, you can guarantee that a year later I will still be in contact with them. I'm a long-term-friendship-lover. I've never even gone on a ministry trip and not maintained a friendship with those I met! Seriously...I'm hard core when it comes to friendship. If you are with me, I'm with you. (And really, the only thing that can sever a friendship in my eyes is if I'm made to feel unsafe with a person.)

So I find it hard to socialize with new people. I really need to work on this. My mind quickly determines if the person is "friend material" or not. If not...then I seem to shut down. My mind says "Don't bother engaging...this person isn't available for long-term friendship." Then I panic. I don't know what to say...I get quiet. I feel alone, and I want to run from the room. I can't seem to fit in, and can't seem to force myself to be involved in the environment. I have this overwhelming need for safety. "Must get home....must be around safe people."

Of course, if I'm attending a work function with Jason, this doesn't apply. I can happily chatter on for hours with many people. But again...controlled environment. I know that I have to 'turn on' the social me, and I do it for that certain amount of time.

However, this is the first time in my life that I've been dumped into a situation where there is almost NO familiarity. I'm SO lucky that I have good Winnipeg friends and family that are still calling...and a good friend here that is familiar AND safe. However, everywhere I go (outside of my home's 4 walls) is filled with unfamiliar faces. And I don't like it.

Today I didn't even want to go to Wal-Mart. (I know! It IS the end times!!!!) I just didn't want to deal with strangers.

The catch 22 with all this, is that if I DON'T subject myself to groups of unknown-persons, I can never find new safe friends. "Good!" I snap to myself. "I don't want new friends anyway! I love my old ones!" Yeah. Real mature, Yvonne. I also have a 10 second evaluation system that may need some tweaking. It appears that sometimes you can't judge the "friendability factor" of someone in the first meeting. (After all....Erica and I didn't exactly get along the first time we met!)


So perhaps I will stay indoors for another day or two, and then venture out amongst the strangers again. The hunt must resume....and since I know that God isn't in the business of letting us down...there are safe friends out there that I have yet to meet.

Man...I miss Winnipeg people today.