Calling out the Treasure

I know, it's been a long time. But I think life is so busy (and Facebook so awesome) that blogging takes a back seat! But today I just had some thoughts to share.

Aila has had some trouble in school. In June, a troubled child threatened to 'slit Aila's throat', and when the school did nothing, we stepped in. This incident has precipitated a lot of changes and struggles. First, we removed Aila from the school because the school refused to remove the child. Aila was just supposed to go back the next day like nothing was wrong. What?! The troubled child was given sessions with a counsellor, other support was sent to "assist her" in how to deal better with her rage issues. But Aila was sent home crying, and nothing more was done. Zero support offered. This was the tipping point for a kid who was generally anxious. But this pushed things to a new level. The following days and weeks can only be described as 'hell', as we watched our girl have what we now can describe as a 'breakdown'. And we were devastated. We not only removed her from school for the remainder of the year, but ended up moving schools completely. (After a fight with the school board, and various notes from doctors supporting our request) The summer was long and full of angst, as Aila had a new anxiety/fear level that we had never seen before. She spent weeks seeing a life-saving therapist. My little girl was struggling so fiercely...and it was so hard to watch.

September came, and she entered a new school. However, anxiety doesn't leave when your surroundings change. So she still struggles with severe anxiety. One of the largest issues is how she responds to other kids. Because of the traumatic incident in the other school, she now is very mistrustful. Her first assumption is to feel unsafe. Instead of assuming she is loved and accepted, she assumes the opposite. What I love about Aila is that despite being hurt, she remains a soft-hearted kid. It's a lovely trait, but it leaves her open to wounding until she matures to find a balance that is healthy.

When there is conflict, or a child isn't kind....she doesn't cope well. What do you do when a kid is mean? When a kid tells her that her wolf shirt is 'dumb', or she is 'annoying'. How can she respond? (besides crying)

"Aila....call out the treasure in them!" I said.

 There is a truth that defuses the hardest heart. Hard hearts are hard for a reason: They have been wounded. A lot.

"Aila...you can help bring healing to a hard heart like this: Look deep into that person. It might be hard to find, but there is a treasure. There is something that is beautiful. Something that is special. They might have lovely blue eyes. They might be good at something. There is beauty in them even if they can't see it. That is their treasure. In some instances, the treasure might have been buried and replaced with a lie. They may believe they are ugly, but the truth...the treasure is that they are beautiful. God has made them special...and that is the truth. We have the ability to call that out! And it looks like this: You look into that person...you find that thing...you reach in....you pull it out....and you hold it in your hands and you show it to them. You show them that you SEE the treasure...and that you see it as special. And you do all that with a simple phrase in response to their negative comments. "Aila, your shirt is so dumb." *wait a few minutes and then return to them* "You are a really great artist. I love how you draw".  Don't give a glib compliment, but find a truth and speak it over them. That's how you call out the treasure. And it will defuse them. Love always wins."

Just talking with her about it reminded me of so many instances in my own life where someone called out the treasure in me. Or when I have searched deep and wide for the treasure in others. It reminded me to daily be calling out the treasure in my kids...in my husband. The power of speaking truth over people...its an amazing tool.

Try it! Love wins.... :)

Artist

Anneka loves to draw. I mean, LOVES to draw. She sits at her desk for hours and hours, and draws picture after picture. She particularly loves cartoons....making her own strips by using existing characters after mastering the nuances of how to draw them.


In this comic, she borrowed a scene from a Garfield comic, but then adds another character (the grey kitten, Nermal) to add an extra funny piece to the story.  (This cat was not in the original scene, but it's something Anneka feels would have added something more humourous to the comic....sorry Jim Davis!)

click to enlarge

I'm now teaching her how to scan her drawings, and 'color' them digitally in Photoshop. And then add the text in a true comic font. She's so excited! I've also enrolled her in the Ottawa School of Art for a week long "Cartooning" camp this summer.

I've always been creative, but never good at drawing. My Dad on the other hand was a commercial artist, and actually went to art school in The Netherlands when he was young. My Mom also dabbled in art as a young teen. Jason also loved drawing as a kid. Jason's Mom Nancy is also very creative, and it wouldn't surprise me if she could draw as well!

Its so neat when you see your child gravitate to something. I'm quietly hoping that music will enter the picture some day soon, but for now, I'm getting behind Anneka's joy of art...and doing whatever I can to encourage her! (Supplies, classes, help in expanding her creativity)

Birthdays

Its been birthday-palooza around here!

On May 24th, our baby Anneka turned 12! Impossible! We remember so vividly her being born, and now she is in her last year of kid-dom before entering her teen years. How is it I'm even remotely OLD enough to have a kid who's 12!? (Don't answer that)

Yesterday, Jason turned 39. He is now in his last year of 30-dom before turning 40 and officially being an old fart. How is I'm remotely OLD enough to.....(Don't answer that either) haha

Jason reminds me that I'm turning 39 in January. My head cannot get wrapped around that thought. It just can't be! I don't feel a day older than 17. (And some would say that I don't act a day older either...which is a fact that I gladly embrace.)

Next week, Jason and I celebrate 18 years of marriage. (Insert the "How is it that I'm old enough" mantra here) Never mind that in 2014 I will both be 40 AND married for 20 years. Craziness!

Its fun to tell people I've been marreid that long. They always stare with their mouth open and eyes bugged out and say "What?! Did you get married when you were 12?"
(Awww...so sweet. Thank you random stranger!)
"Yes...Yes I did. I got married at 12. Or 20. It's all a blur".

Their disbelief comes from the fact that I have pretty good genes. Neither of my parents look their age. And my brother (who is 10 years older than I am) looks 12 years old. We do not complain. Thank you freakish Dutch gene pool!

Anyway, there's been alot of excitement around here. And it's summer. I love summer.
Life is good.

J-A-S-O-N

Now that Jason has a new job that is NOT working from a home office, he packs himself a lunch everyday. Anneka decided to put a note in his lunch on the second day of work. It said "Dear Daddy, I hope you have a great day at Dollco!  - Love Anneka" He was so touched, he put it on his office wall...and just gushed about it to her.

Anneka relized that she had tapped into Jason's 'love language'. A note from one of his girls makes him feel so loved! (He has kept every note or card I've ever given him btw...) So Anneka slipped in another note into his lunch today.

He cried :)

J is for "joyful"....

Fun little things

I'm a simple girl...it doesn't take much to make me smile. I love dollarama...a place where I can get something cute for $1. I love decorating, and when you find the 'right' thing, its just fun.

Anneka got her 'own room' this summer. Using her favorite colour, I put together a room for her that she loved. However, she did say "I think we need some yellow in here." And you know...she was right! Yellow with the purple just popped!

We went out to find a yellow cushion for her bed, but were unable to find one. Apparently, yellow is not a trendy colour. And I looked everywhere: department stores, malls, local household decor shops, eBay, etsy, you name it. Until last week, when we finally came across the perfect little round pillow.

You may be thinking: "So what? Who cares?" Well...Anneka and I sure cared. We high-fived, and ran home to try it out. Simple things....

I like the fact that a simple thing can make me smile...bring me a burst of joy. But what I love more is that my daughter is as easily given joy by a small thing. For her, a little pillow...or a new pack of markers...or a fresh book to read...or a visit to her Oma's house...those are things that bring a smile to her face. I love that about her.

Jesus is....

Jason and I laughed ourselves silly today when Aila came home with this writing assignment. They were to fill the page with their thoughts. It turns out she really only had 2 thoughts, but was determined to 'fill the page' anyway. :)

"Jesus is a modern day saint because he is the best, caring. Jesus is the best and he is caring. Plus he loves animals and nature. But Jesus sacrifced for our sins. Jesus is also very giving. Jesus is the best human being because he made the world for us. I think he shows that he is most like a saint because he is caring. Jesus is always the best person ever and He is soooooo caring to everyone and he loves nature and animals! Jesus is a modern day saint because he is caring, the best, and sacrifices. Jesus is a very sacrificing man and is very special to me. I love Jesus!"

Lists and "Yelling Mommy"

I'm generally not a fan of lists. :) I feel like they are bossy - telling me what to do! My rebellious side doesn't like being told what to do. (shocking right? haha)

But I'm finding that it works wonders for the kids. Last year I was feeling very overwhelmed by all I had to do around the house, and how little the kids were doing. (AND running my business on top of it all!) We had a family meeting about how we, as a family, are a team. And when some team members don't do their part , the other team member (me!) has to do more...and I become "Yelling Mommy". I asked the girls if they enjoy "Yelling Mommy". They answered with a firm shake of their heads "NO!!" I explained that I, in fact, 'hate' "Yelling Mommy" (the H-word is one we aren't supposed to use in our house...so the point was made!) I went on to say that I don't like that "Mommy" at all. I wished she would go away and never come back. In fact, I feel a great amount of shame when that particular Mommy is in charge. I wish "Fun Mommy" could be the only Mommy we saw. (The girls agreed!) I explained that "Yelling Mommy" comes out when I feel sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, and like I'm all alone and no one is helping our team!

The talk seemed to work. They 'got' it. I was open and honest about my own weakness and level of frustration. And they agreed that 'team work' was something we needed to improve on. But HOW could we get the kids to remember what their responsibilities were each day...and do them!?

Ugh...it appeared LISTS were going to be the answer!! *sigh*

Last year I printed out some simple cards and posted them on the walls in key places in our house. Just a little 'check list' of what the girls need to do each day. Here are some examples:

By the front door:

• hang up coats/backpacks
• shoes in closet

 Here are some more!

In the breakfast area where the girls eat in the morning

In their bedrooms. This is the list they must do before coming down for breakfast before school

Self explanatory!! haha...but it works!

 As soon as school started, I was worried that we'd have to have a 'meeting' and re-introduce the concept of these lists...because in the summer, the rules had relaxed A LOT! But nope....without me even having to mention it, their beds are made before they come down for breakfast! Mind you, Anneka's idea of what constitutes a "made bed" falls a little short of my expectations...with the comforter sometimes on lopsided etc. (but hey...I won't comment...because she's doing it!)

Anyway, I never thought I'd say this...but "Hurray for lists!"
And I'm doing my best to keep "Yelling Mommy" at bay. :)

Aila's note

Aila found some note paper in the hotel last weekend, and wrote a little about our time there. So cute!

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Summer

Ahhh...summer. I love it! I love the heat (well...mostly because we have A/C!), love the sun, love that you don't need to bundle up..(shorts and sandals!) and I love the lazy feeling. Before I die, its my dream to live in a place that has comfortable summer weather year-round. Like California....that would suit me just fine! :)

But back to summer: First, the girls are home...which means no waking up early to rush them out the door. Nice! Secondly, one of my major publishing contracts is closed for a 2 weeks summer break, so my days are much much slower. Again, nice!

We've kept Anneka busy with camps. First VBS, then an "arts" day-camp, and next week she's gone all week to sleep-away-camp at Ottawa Vally Pentecostoal Camp. This will be her second year going..but it still makes me nervous to think of her away for an entire week! She sure is growing up! And Aila, btw...refuses to attend any camps...saying "I'm away from you all day when I'm in school. When its summer...I just want to be with you!" How can you say 'no' to that?!

Last week I took Anneka to her first concert. We saw Taylor Swift, in Montreal...and it was AMAZING!! She and I drove out on Thursday to Montreal, went to the concert, stayed the night in a hotel, and then Jason and Aila joined us for the next day and night. (they took the train...which was a thrill for Aila!) Saturday was Aila's 8th birthday, so we made the trip into a birthday weekend for her.

Here are some photos!

A very happy Anneka, watches as Taylor Swift hits the stage!

Showing off her "Anneka Swift" t-shirt (Her face on TS's body!)

Aila checking out her ticket at the train station

Aila and Jason on the train

Anneka enjoying the pool!

Aila at Montreal's bio-dome. (See the alligator in the water?)

Being silly of course... hehe

Jason and I 

Aila's "Birthday Breakfast"

Anneka took this photo of me

Now we are off to see Anneka perform at her Arts Camp Finale Concert. I'm looking forward to it! She's singing a solo, is performing in a drama, and presenting some paintings she did. Then it's off to Ron and Lynne's to enjoy their pool, and have dinner.

Ahhh...summer. Love it!

Anneka-ism

Anneka: "Mommy...when you go into a Retirement Home, all this will be mine!!!"

My girls

Today I tried to get some good pictures of the girls. I think these images contrast their personalities perfectly. hehe.

  

(and yes...that was the best photo I could get of Aila today! :)

Anneka's New Room

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Anneka chose purple for her room! So we used a nice 'mature' muted purple (the purple in the daisy painting is the color on the opposite wall , and also around the window) Its something that can definitely grow with her! Fun fun!

Bad words

Sometimes the girls think certain 'potty words' are so hilariously funny, that they try to weave them into every sentence and context possible. Instead of outlawing these words, we created guidelines for the use of them.

For example...some anatomic words are acceptable at home (within reason) but are to never be spoken repeatedly with giggles outside the walls of the house. They get this, and have been very good about it!

We have also labeled words like "stupid", "shut-up", "hate" and "dumb" as bad words. We had to backtrack on this a bit, as sometimes..well...some situations truly are stupid, and I truly do hate beets.  Our intent was to show that hurtful words should not be spoken to another person...because words can hurt more than a scrape on the knee. Soon though, we saw that a total blackout of these words was a little harsh, and yet looked for a way to relax the rule a bit...while still showing them that the use of these words is generally not kind.

That's when I instigated the "once a day" rule. Aila would ask "Mommy, is 'dang-it' a bad word?"

Well...while its not a bad word, it's also not a word I want to hear every 2 minutes! So it became a "once a day" word. She can use it once a day. My brother Paul asked if they were allowed to bank words, and then just expel them all in one day. A) NO! and B) I politely asked him to NOT mention this idea to the girls, as they would LOVE a day of total verbal mayhem!

Anyway, the other day I was about to sternly address my girls about the word they were repeatedly yelling in the basement while playing Wii. Each time someone would score, they would yell out"Sex-yyyyy!!!" It was a 'new' word that I'd never heard them use, and tho it wasn't a swear, it certainly wasn't something I thought was proper coming from a child! I rolled up my sleeves and made my way downstairs to set them straight.

It was soon that we realized that they were actually yelling "Succeeeeeeeed!"  (not sex-yyyy)....which is...of course...infinitely more appropriate.

Tooth Fairy

Aila recently lost a tooth. Well, more accurately....had her tooth pulled. It had been loose for so long, and finally she let Jason pull it out. She was very brave....even though she was very very afraid...she had allowed Jason to give it a try.

So when it was time to hide her tooth under her pillow for the "tooth fairy", I decided to write her a note on behalf of the toothfairy!
However, in all the excitement of sneaking her note under her pillow....I forgot to actually TAKE the tooth! I found this note the following morning:

Don't forget....

Aila-isms!
www.aila-isms.blogspot.com

Notes

Jason usually makes the girl's lunches, but since he's out of town...I made them today. When I do it, they get a note! It was something my Mom did every day when we were in school. There was always a note in our lunches. I carry on the tradition when making them for my girls. I write something different for each girl, and a different note each day!

This shows how different my two kids are from each other.

Aila comes home:

"Mommy....I got the note in my lunch! It said (recites note with her computer-like memory). I showed it to Kira (her lunch neighbor) and she read it too! I liked my note..."

Anneka comes home:

"Mommy.....I don't think it is such a great idea to put notes in my lunch. I don't want to hurt your feelings...but if my FRIENDS saw it...I would be so embarrassed of some of the things you wrote...so...pleeeeease...no more notes!" (click on the scan I made of the note!)

So...do I stop leaving her a note...with lovely messages about how much she means to me? Or just keep doing it...and leave it to her to hide them if she doesn't want them viewed?

Aila-ism

Some people have been asking, and so I've done it.

Aila-isms is now a blog!
www.aila-isms.blogspot.com

Aila-ism

Aila: Mommy....don't you know that EVERYTHING sounds funnier in my opera Voice?? (as she sings "I don't like bread, but I love mashed po-ta-toooooooos")

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Jason to Aila in the store parking lot: Aila! Don't stoop to inhale car-exhaust fumes, even if you do think they smell like "sweet mama!"

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Aila: Oh yum....this antibacterial wipe smells like City Church!!

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Aila- mommy...can you buy me Clearasil? I hear it makes your skin smooth and awesome.

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Aila: When I'm a grownup....can I call you Yvonne, and can I call Daddy "Myron"??

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Aila: my favourite transformer guy is Octopus Mime!

Aila-ism

Aila: when you eat crackers in your underwear, the crumbs can really hurt you!

Aila-ism

Aila: Mommy...I can't find Hannah
Me: Um....who's Hannah?
Aila: My PANTS!

Seems that Aila has taken to naming her pants after kids at school. She has her "Hannah pants", her "Cole pants" and her "Felix pants" (which are pink)

So wonderfully odd...