Lately

I feel like I haven't blogged anything of worth in a long time. Truthfully, not much happens around here! I work, play with my girls, eat, and sleep. In that order.

I could tell you about some of the odd clients I have...but that wouldn't be professional. :P Not that designers have client-designer confidentiality..but in a way...we do! I'm doing some....err...interesting (??) books lately. Kinda humorous. It's a really interesting job, I have to say. Oh, and this week, I invoiced my 500th bookcover design. Doesn't that seem like a crazy big number? And I still have 26 books on my 'wall'. (Each book gets a docket sheet, and that sheet gets put up on the wall so at a glance I can see what stage of production the book is in.) This week was tricky, as out of the 26, I had 2 Ron's, 2 Deborahs, and 2 other men with virtually the same first AND last name. I kept hoping I wouldn't send a comic book sample to the family who is doing a memorial book of their mother! :P So far, so good.

I've been working on my new company idea too. I branded my first company this week (Starshine Cleaning). And I also started a website/logo design for my new venture. But today, I noticed that each time I looked at my work regarding the company, I got a knot in my stomach. Something isn't right. Maybe I'm not actually happy with the name? or the logo? or maybe the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me to wait. So I'm gonna put the brakes on, and slow it down. No hurry anyway, right? I'm gonna keep playing with it in my spare time, but try to figure out just what the 'knot' is about. All I know is that I don't feel right. My first impression was to think "Are you scared?" But honestly...no. I'm not scared. I really find new ventures exciting, not scary! But as excited as I am about the whole idea, I still have the knot. A kinda nauseous feeling. That's not good...I know that for sure. So yeah. Time to pause and pray about it.

In other news, Exodus Cry Canada had their launch, and has had 2 prayer meetings since then. I haven't been able to go because of babysitting issues, but hopefully next week I will. Jason is so encouraged by the attendance and the ownership people have begun to take. We also had some really great news last week regarding the freeing of some girls who were being held as sex slaves in a Canadian city...but because of legal investigations and the girls safety, we can't say more then that. Pretty hard for this girl who likes to share her life on her blog!! In this area of our lives, we have to be careful what we say. So you won't hear alot about it on this blog.

On a personal note: Last month I went through a really hard time here in Ottawa. I'd say I was depressed for a couple weeks. I think I scared a couple of my friends too. Just feeling so down...so hopeless...so frustrated. I would work the minimum amount, and crawl back into the saftey of my bed. (My bed is so huge, comfy, and fluffy, that I just love being in it! It's become my 'safe place' when I feel sad.) But I was able to really dig deep and figure some things out about myself, and what I need to do to survive this transition. I didn't expect the transition to take so long...certainly not 2 years. But we're coming up on 2 years in August, and sometimes I feel as lost as ever. Then I hear from people that Ottawa is like that: It takes a few years to feel like home. Crap! Not the news I want to hear!!

I think what I miss the most is just being surrounded by so many amazing friends. Not that I don't know great people here (cuz I know 2 particularly great girls here!)...but when you have years and years of friendship with people...it's so solid feeling. I miss outings with my girlfriends. No one around here does stuff like that really. We did that alllll the time in Wpg...but ....maybe it was ony that way because I was the one who planned many of them! Last week, a friend said "When you left Winnipeg, you took my social life with you!" It seems no one took the "social planning mantel" when I left. :P

I'll have to admit that when I moved here, I really assumed there would be an "Yvonne" type person here that would help jump-start my social life. haha. Jason jokes that the bad news is : I've found out that I have to be my own "Yvonne" here in Ottawa. Do you know how much that sucks!!?? :P I really wanted to rest from being the Yvonne. The social coordinator. I did it not becuase I loved coordinating, but because I was so desperate for the social interaction with groups of girls! And now...I've come to the conclusion that I can't put that hat away here and coast. I have to suck it up and create my own social environment in order to have one that meets my demanding standards!! Heck, I want to love and be loved...so if it means I have to put on my bossy-hat and make it happen...so be it! (okay..well, maybe I never did take off the bossy-hat..but you know what I mean...)

So instead of crying in my bed about all that's lacking here, I have to attack the problem and be my own solution. But I have to admit...that I have alot of fear that even if I do that, I'll have created some great social systems, and still feel a lack of connection with people. Because true....I can be curious and inquisitive about people...ask them questions...but will they ever want to know about me in return? In the last 2 years...I haven't found that here. And I'm afraid I won't. But alas...I'm gonna have to risk it. Love is just that way...