To feel, or not to feel

Phew! It's been a busy couple weeks!!

I've been flooded with work lately. It's such a great thing...and I really enjoy it.

A couple months ago I mentioned a possible new large contract, and last week it became official. It will really boost my income, which is such a blessing!! We're aware though, that work like mine isn't always guaranteed. It's not a steady paycheque. You gain clients, and you can easily lose them too. But we are sooo thankful to God for this, and are going to enjoy it (and pay down debt) as long as it keeps comin'!

Yes...I really love my job. Sometimes I think it's almost silly to be paid to sit and 'fiddle' with Photoshop for hours. It feels more like 'play' than 'work'. I'm so blessed....and I'm thankful every single day for it! It's long hours sometimes...and it does make for a tiring week quite often. So, I'm working on dealing with stress in a more healthy way.

I always thought of stress as negative, but have learned in the past 3 years, that there is also positive stress. Extremes of any kind can put stress on your body...even happy things, exciting things. Anything 'out of the ordinary'. I used to deal with all stress with food. (I'd eat when I was sad, or mad, or celebrating, or scared, or happy...you name it) Now that I can't do that anymore, i find myself unsure of how to deal with all these feelings. I once asked a wise friend "What am I supposed to do NOW when I feel all this stuff going on inside of me?" She had a brilliant response. "Nothing..just sit there and feel it!" Easier said than done!

When you've medicated for so long...that simple task is tricky. Sometimes I wish there was something I could do to just distract me from a stressful situation. But the healthy response is not to run to something that helps you avoid the feeling...it's to just feel it! (And then ask God to work though it with you) So instead of avoiding it by eating (or running, or watching tv, or working) I'm getting used to being alone with my thoughts.

I considered going to Starbucks alone with my journal, and just writing. But...err...that's kinda scary! No one to talk to? Feelings spilling out all over the paper...yikes! I know that a good purge is helpful...but sometimes I don't know what to do with the aftermath. Sometimes the act of writing can bring up all kinds of hidden things you didn't know were there. And then you need to work through them. Now THAT sounds like hard work!

So yes...things are good. Complicated, but good. And I'm growing up through it all.