Thursday, October 29, 2009

Insightful

A couple weeks ago, I was chatting with Anneka and Aila, and they mentioned how a little boy we know tends to lie alot. Not big things...little things. Like "I'm going to the hockey game this weekend" or "I'm getting a new video game" or "I'm moving soon".

Both Anneka and Aila were unimpressed, and Anneka said she doesn't trust anything he says anymore. They were ready to brand him a "liar", and therefore, a bad kid. But I intervened. (I know this kid too)
Yvonne: Anneka, why do you think he lies?
Anneka: Uhhhh.....
Yvonne: No really...think about it...why do you think he's telling you these stories?
Anneka: To show off?
Yvonne: Maybe...but let me ask you this. Does he have an evil heart?
Anneka: Huh?
Yvonne: Is he a bad bad person? Is his heart full of darkness? Do you think he is evil, and plotting to hurt you when he lies?
Anneka: No....he's a nice person!
Yvonne: So...why do you think he's trying to show off?
Anneka: *silence*
Yvonne: See Anneka...we have to learn how to see past what people do and say, and see into who they are. We need to see the heart. I think he lies because he desperately wants to impress you. He really likes you...and he's afraid that you don't like him if he's just boring old 'him'. He makes up little stories to make you say "Really?? WOW!" so that you'll think he's special. It's really that he doesn't feel so special all the time...and feels like he needs to tell a lie to make himself special.
Anneka: But he IS already special...he's my friend
Yvonne: Of course! That's right! But HE doesn't know that...
Anneka: Hmmm
Yvonne: So next time, why don't you casually say to him "You know...It doesn't matter to me if you get that new video game or not...I like you because you're my friend...not because of the stuff you have, or the stuff you do"
Anneka: Ok
I wasn't sure how much of that she absorbed...until yesterday.

We were talking about people who get angry a lot, like teachers who tend to yell a lot.

Anneka: "But I know that sometimes when a person is angry at another person, sometimes it's not always about THAT situation. Sometimes there are other things that are on their mind. Like that they are stressed out...or unhappy...or frustrated in their lives....and their anger comes out at the person...but really...it's not ALL about them."

Wow. My kid! That was pretty insightful!! Then she continued about the school bully named "C"

"And remember "C"? Last year she used to call me names, and bully me....but I know that she probably is a very sad girl. Maybe her parents don't spend alot of time with her. Maybe they don't tell her that she's loved. Maybe they are divorced, or they fight alot. That's why she's a bully. So I just ignored it, and forgave her."

I told Anneka that I was astounded by her wisdom. That it is a gift to not just SEE people...but to see INTO people. And that was something God was showing her how to do.

Our next talk will be about understanding why people act the way they do, but not being a doormat. (We can tend to excuse bad behaviour because we understand the root...but it doesn't mean we have to take abuse)

We also talked about how different people show their feelings. Like Aila...shows ALL of her feelings! Everyone, at all times, knows what she is feeling...and it's very natural for her to get it all out. She spills it, and then goes on. (much like Mommy and Oma!) We talked about how Anneka tends to keep things inside more....(much like Jason) Like when someone hurts her feelings at school...we don't hear about it. Or when she is sad or missing someone...she just bottles it up. We talked about how when people do that, the 'stress' starts to manifest in other ways....mostly physically.(like tics, or biting their nails, or tummy aches) I encouraged her to talk out her feelings...even if it's not what comes naturally...because her body and mind need to get rid of the bad feelings...like a toxin. And talking is a way to do that.

She totally 'got it', and the following day made a point to talk more about things happening at school that make her feel stressful.

I'm so enjoying watching this child grow up!!

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

how cool Yvonne. This is hope-giving for me! It IS possible to get through! Patience, endurance, consistency, walking the walk, and PRAYER.

Love you!

Jennifer said...

Yvonne, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!
I'm going to try that with Sammie. How insightful you are.