Hi there. I'm Yvonne, and I'm a wife, Mom of 2 and business chick. Welcome!
After about 30 minutes, I remembered why I don't journal more often. Its like stirring a pot of soup that's been sitting on the stove for an hour. It can look clear, but when you dig down there, you see all the stuff hiding at the bottom.
I came home rather peeved. Not that my time wasn't profitable, but that I'm now having to deal with some feelings I didn't really know were there. I think 90% of it has to do with this move. I really haven't grieved. I haven't cried. When I feel tears prick at my eyes....I suck em back, and move on to thinking about other things. But the truth is...I need to feel and move on.
I think I avoid people...both here in Ottawa, and in Winnipeg. I avoid new people here because they make me so aware of how this isn't 'home', and I avoid Winnipeg people (via phone) because I feel so far away when I hang up. Oddly, the good friend I DO have here, and the good friend back home...(both women I long to connect with more)....well... both women are virtually unavailable to me right now because of the busyness and swirl of their own lives and families. So here I am. Crap. I had my nice little safety net all in place for myself....and now I'm standing on a cliff, looking down...and there's NO net. I'm on my own....and darn it...now I have to do this without the hand to hold.
So voila....I'm unhealthy, and I need to start dealing with my feelings. (This is an old pattern that I should have been aware of, but when you avoid dealing with sad feelings, it's kinda hard to notice bad patterns...after all...that would mean having to stop and look for them!)
All I could think was: "I'd like a good long cup of tea with Paddy." (if she remembers me?)
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5 comments:
OH Yvonne.........I TOTALLY, TOTALLY get it!!!!! Some times the way you write is like writing my own feelings!!!! If ya' wanna 'talk', feel free to e-mail me, cause I'm totally right there with ya'! :)
Yvonne,
I check in on you almost every day. Cause I am avoiding Facebook.... And I never comment. But today I thought man...just need to do it! Yvonne, I like you and I am praying for you. And you inspire me. Grace to you in dealing with stuff.
Joc
From a 'stroller mom' to the kids-in-school-i-can-sit-at-starbucks-and-journal mom, hey. love ya. wish i could hug ya. i hate those moments where something in you cracks open and you're like, oh wow! a can of worms..didn't know THAT was there... yucky.. and you dont want to be alone facing the worms.
but y'know, some people include sitting alone with a coffee and journal in a list of fantasies! but you paid your dues, right! you have it coming :)
Yvonne,
Sometimes you realize that you are standing between the past and the future, and you have to make a choice. CHOOSE THE FUTURE!
Old friends may fade into the past, and it hurts to get used to the new reality. The past will NEVER be back, you must jump into the future. Jesus is there, welcoming you!
....and your old dad loves you, and prays for you!
Ah, so that's why you haven't called back... ;)
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