From the Archives - JANUARY 5, 2006

I wrote this post at the start of my journey almost 2 years ago!

Hello. Do you remember me? Are you still reading?

Yes...the slacker is back. Here I am. Still here. If you are wondering why I haven't blogged...well..join the club. I mean...there are times when you just don' have anything to say. That AIN'T one of these times. On the contrary, I have TOO MUCH to say! Where do I start??

Well...let's start with today. I am on day 2 of a 7 day fast. Oh yeah, baby. A real fast. The kind where you don't eat solid food. I must say that even though it's been less than 48 hours, this is the longest I've ever gone without cheating on a fast. I'm pretty happy about that!.

I'm on this fast because it appears that as I've been on this weight-loss journey, God has been talking a whole lot to me. And with the help of a wise councellor/friend, I'm taking this week to look back and see if there are any un-dealt-with issues/fears/hurts that have been part of my struggle. I was sure there would be none. But...slap me silly, and call me a monkey....I found one! or two. or three.

The POINT is...that as I have prayed through these things, I'm finding that a) food doesn't have the pull it always has b) it tastes less yummy, and less satisfying and c) my ability to fast is in tact! whoah!

Needless to say, I have gobs and gobs of stuff in my head that I could be writing about...however, I feel like before I stand up and start announcing my new found revelations...I SO need to be walking them out.

That being said...I will share with this. I've lost 17 pounds. I lost 5 of these by swimming alone (over 6 weeks) and then I've lost 12 in the last 5 weeks.

For the last 5 weeks, each Monday night, a couple friends and I get together at one of our homes. We are doing an 'unofficial' weight watchers thing together. Our group of 3 is now a group of 6. Word is spreading that not only are we losing weight like crazy....but we are having fun, spending time together, supporting each other, and on the hunt for a permenant healing for issues.

I'm beginning to see that food issues are the most acceptable addiction in the church.

Oh. did I just say ADDICTION? Oh yeah, baby. I'm convinced. Oh sure...we look down on smoking pot, doing heroin, or drinking our emotions into oblivion....and yet we allow food addictions to rule us. After all....have you ever just thrown away a week (or month, or year) of dieting for one slice of cheesecake? Where does your reason go? Who can stop you? No one. You make the decision that you WANT...and there is nothing that will change your mind. You need the fix...and you're gonna eat it. You enjoy the moment....but after a few minutes....it hits you. You feel horrible for failing. You can't do it. You fail everytime. You eat more, because after all...what's the point anymore! Soon, you come to your senses...start another 'diet'......and you start the spiral over again.
Hmmm.

From what I hear...that's pretty much what drug addiction is like too. Or any other addiction for that matter.

Here's the bottom line: If you can't say "no", you have a problem.

I wonder what would happen to us if we actually treated over-eating (and under-eating) like a huge symptom of woundedness. What if we stopped medicating pain? What would we find lurking below the surface?

Three months ago I would have rolled my eyes and said "You'll find nothing but a girl who likes her cheesecake!" Well...I've changed my opinion on that.

Many people say "if I could only get this under control...I could overcome it!" If you've said that...then you have your first clue that you probebly are covering up some wound that CAN be healed. I'm learning that "getting it under control" doesn't do anything. I'm learning that perhaps I need to give over control...and let God have it. He's got the answer for addiction, habits, cycles, weight, anger....you name it.

Can't wait to see how these next months unfold....