How are you doing?

I

have always been facinated by people who can put on a good face. I have a number of friends, who were always doing "Great" and had a big smile on their face as they held their newborn children. Months past, and they eased through it floating on cloud nine. Happily caring for their new child....and all was right with the world.

THEN....a couple years later I hear "OH yeah...I had severe post pardum. I just didn't let anyone know. It was a horrible time."

So that's the "Mommy" example...but it happens all the time! People are going through a tough time, financially, emotionally, relationally...whatever; and they just put on a happy face, not letting anyone know about it. Even not telling their friends.

Two thoughts come to mind when I face situations like this:

1) Wow...you are a really good liar and
2) I'm offended that you lied to me. I thought we were friends. I feel like this friendship is a farce.

But the fact is, people don't lie because they are evil...they lie because they are fearful. Afraid that you won't understand....afraid that you'll judge. Afraid that they will appear 'weak' in your eyes. Afraid of what you'll tell other people.

But they are not only afraid of the YOU aspect...but of the THEM part. They are afraid that admitting it to someone else will make it real. In their head, it is contained. Say it out-loud, and they've done it. It's out there...and they can't make it go away.

Perhaps there is some self-preservation thrown in the mix, or a pattern of being the "shoulder to cry on" to others...so you can't have a problem of your own and throw off the pattern....etc.

However, the fact remains. I hate being lied to. If I'm your friend, you're gonna hear how I'm doing. Good or Bad. I don't hide. If I'm your friend, I want to hear how you are doing. Good or Bad. Don't hide from me. Don't smile and pretend, when you are really dying inside. Don't scam me....and I won't scam you.

I call it friendship 101. I think if more people thought of friendships this way (hello...be HONEST with each other!) there'd be more quality friendships in our lives. Faithful, lifelong friendships.

Besides, it's easier to be lonely with someone else. : )