Ottawa

On August 1st, we had made it. Two years since we moved from Winnipeg to Ottawa.

When we moved, I had expected to easily adapt to the new city. After a couple months, it was clear that it was going to be more of a challenge than I thought. I was grieving. Not just the move, but the loss of friends, community, ministry, and roots. Losing roots is hard. Knowing that the place where you USED to live, and had all your memories is no longer a part of your future...well...it's a death. Familiarity is lost. Everything is new. When you finally find a grocery store you like, there is no chance of running into friends and neighbors. In fact, you don't run into anyone. Ever. Everywhere is strangers, and you are a stranger to them too.

The grief was overwhelming....and it didn't pass. It just hung over me... getting worse instead of better. I couldn't see it ever getting better. What had I done? Why had I left? Why was it so hard to find people to love, and who'd love me back?

It was probably around October 2007, 2 years ago, that I was crying out to God asking "When will this feel like home? When will I feel 'okay' here?" And I heard these words:

"Wait 1 year. Then...when that year has passed....wait another year."

I'm not sure why He didn't just say "Two years, doll.....so ya'd better hunker down." Maybe saying 1 year...and then another year was a kinder, softer way of saying it. I have no idea. Seems odd to me. But that's what I heard.

So anyway, August 1 came and went this year. I hadn't even realized the date (being busy with summer activities) It wasn't until the end of August when I realized. It was gone. The grief. It was like I physically felt something lift off of me. I was biking and enjoying the trees, flowers, pretty blue sky...the Gatineau Hills in the distance...and it dawned on me. I'm happy. I'm happy here. I like it here. I don't want to leave. I wouldn't go back. I don't want to move elsewhere. I'm enjoying my life, and I'm happy. Happy in Ottawa.

Wow.

Happy in Ottawa.

Finally.